View Full Version : The Fellowship Of The Ring (short version)

The Therion
3rd February 2002, 03:39 PM

Frodo: Hello, Gandalf!
Gandalf: Bilbo, give him your ring.
Bilbo: Ok. Bye!
Gandalf: See you at the Prancing Pony, Frodo!

Frodo: Lalala. (walking through the forest)
Nazgűl: Booo!
Frodo: Eeeek!
Merry: (Appears out of nowhere) Eeeek!
Pippin: (also) Eeeek!
Sam: Ha ha, can't catch us now! (at the ferry)

Tom Bombadil: Hello little friends!
Frodo: No time for you, you freak.
Tom Bombadil: (disappears)

Saruman: See, all I have to do it erase the GOOD in my business card and
write EVIL, and I'll be prepared!
Gandalf: I hadn't noticed that before...
Saruman: Excuse me a second, I must see how is my army of orcs and my
warfare, which are secret.
Gandalf: Oh, he could trap me on top of a high tower without walls... that
way he wouldn't be able to predict that an eagle could come and rescue me,
what would be impossible if I was locked in an underground chamber and. oh,

Frodo: (whispering) Keep your voices down
Pippin: (shouting) and we don't mention your real name, right?
Merry: (shouting) nor anything about the One Ring, right?
Aragorn: That's right. Don't mention the One Ring. (laughs) Ok, I'll save

Pippin: (crying) Are we there yet?
Nazgul: Ha ha ha. Give us the Ring, you worm!
Frodo: Sticks and stones may harm me, but words won't.... AAAAARGH!
Sam: Hmm, seems like swords work too.
Aragorn: Go away you evil beings!
Nazgul: We five must flee, for we were outnumbered by this one Ranger.

Frodo: Wow, we're in Rivendell!
Merry: Oh, that was easy!
Pippin: Don't start...
Sam: Elves are sooooooo cool!
Elrond: Get out of here, I don't want problems.
Gimli: You can't throw them out while I am here!
Legolas: Yeah, me too!
Elrond: Ok then, EVERYONE OUT!
Gandalf: But... we just arrived.
Boromir: I will invite myself to go with them. No special reason. Certainly
not because of this voice in my head which tells me to get the Ring. No way.
Aragorn: Look, they fixed my sword! Woohoo!

Frodo: What a beautiful landscape, the leaves, the.... (floosh) ... Oh, my
Pippin: Where the hell did all this snow come from??
Gandalf: Don't blame me, how could I know that the mountains were this cold
at the top?
Gimli: I told you we should go through the mines.
Aragorn: Let the dwarf take his way.
Legolas: Ok, whatever. Just open this door.
Gimli: Hmmm.. I have no idea how to get in...
Boromir: What a bunch of idiots.
Gandalf: Of course! (applies dinamite) [BOOM!]
Sam: Biiig magic trick...

Merry: Ooooooh, dead dwarves around here!
Gimli: (crying)
Gandalf: Oh...
Orcs: Oh, how wonderful, we were famished. Do you have an idea of how
difficult it is to keep an army fed in these abandoned mines?
Boromir: (cuts)
Legolas: (shoots)
Gimli: (chops)
Frodo: AAAaaaahh!
Aragorn: Oh no, the Ringbearer died, our journey failed!!
Frodo: Yeah, yeah. I did the old trick of the spear-stuck-in-a-silver-coat
and laid here instead of helping you guys. very funny, right?
Balrog: Damn, I was having such a nice sleep.... THAT REALLY PISSES ME OFF!
Gandalf: Oh, we're sooooo screwed up...
Aragorn: Not if we run! (and runs)
Boromir: First good idea you've had! (also runs)
hobbits: (way up ahead)
Gandalf: (slowly) It doesn't matter! You can't leave a running demon behind!
Legolas: We don't need to leave the demon behind...
Gimli: ... we just have to leave you
Balrog: You're done for, Wizard! (pulls Gandalfintothe abyss)
Aragorn: Sadness falls over us! Gandalf has fallen!
Frodo: I'm all right.
Sam: Yeah, let's go away, there's no food here.

Legolas: These trees are beautiful!
Gimli: And full of killer elves.
Celeborn: They told us you would come... Actually they WARNED us against it.
Galadriel: I know you better than yourselves.
Sam: Don't you have anything better to do??
Galadriel: Wake up, Frodo, and lookintothe mirror.
Frodo: Goddamn it, can't anyone sleep peacefully around here?! What mirror
are you talking about? This birdbath full of water?
Galadriel: But it shows magic things that can be or not!
Frodo: You're crazy, right? Here, take the Ring.
Galadriel: I can't. (covers face with hands) My voice may get horrible.
Frodo: Fine then, I keep it.
Celeborn: Time to leave!

Pippin: (singing) Row, row, row the boat, all through the river.
Gimli: SHUT UP! Seven hours of that is enough.
Aragorn: All this beautiful scenery gives me a bad feeling.
Boromir: Give me the Ring!
Frodo: Notice that as soon as I put on the Ring, not only will I be
invisible but I will also get out of your reach.
Boromir: Arrrrrgghhh! I'm just trying to save my realm! Where can Ifind a
piece of wood where I can fall and bang my head to get back to normal? Oh,
this one's just fine! (BANG!)... Oh, Frodo, come back, forgive me!
Frodo: The best thing to do is to go to the most dangerous place in the
Sam: Count me in. (they go)
SuperOrcs: Death!Death!Death!
Merry: Help! Help! Let's cover their escape! (waves his little sword
Pippin: Irgh! Look at the SIZE of these guys! We're screwed.
Boromir: Fear not, little hobbits, I will sound my horn and we'll be saved
by soldiers. that are. thousands. of miles. away.. Well, I think that's it,
good luck to you. (Boromir dies)
Legolas: Look at me! Man I'm good!
Gimli: I'm a friend of nature --- blood makes grass grow!
Aragorn: Looks like Frodo's gone. Well, no way I'll set foot in Mordor, so
let's go in the exact opposite direction!
Legolas: Ok.
Gimli: Of course.


:D cracked me up :D

3rd February 2002, 09:01 PM
lol! Thanks for posting that Therion!


3rd February 2002, 09:06 PM
Has anyone else read National Lampoons "Bored of the Rings" ?

it is totally hilarious


3rd February 2002, 09:17 PM
He he, good one thetherion, a fine blend of book and movie for the sceptics summary. Excellent. :)

3rd February 2002, 09:41 PM
Originally posted by jema
Has anyone else read National Lampoons "Bored of the Rings" ?

it is totally hilarious


I've still not got round to reading this, will have to rectify that soon methinks :)

3rd February 2002, 09:57 PM
Originally posted by Squeaky

I've still not got round to reading this, will have to rectify that soon methinks :)

Gandalf: What we need is someone dumb enough to take the ring to where old red eye can't get it

and Frodo walks in...


3rd February 2002, 10:06 PM
Any links jema?

3rd February 2002, 10:16 PM
Originally posted by Ciccio
Any links jema?

If you can find some let me know, I borrowed it years ago and have wanted a copy ever since. Gandalf for example has a nice line in arms dealing :D


3rd February 2002, 10:17 PM
"This Ring, no other, is made by the elves,
Who'd pawn their own mother to grab it themselves.
Ruler of creeper, mortal, and scallop,
This is a sleeper that packs quite a wallop.
The Power almighty rests in this Lone Ring.
The Power, alrighty, for doing your Own Thing.
If broken or busted, it cannot be remade
If found, send to Sorhed (the postage is prepaid)."


The Therion
4th February 2002, 12:13 PM

is that also online somewhere,or paper only ?

4th February 2002, 01:06 PM
paper only I think :

I have just ordered it from Amazon :)


4th February 2002, 03:23 PM
Ive seen it in the shops! Looks funny... here is the Amazon review:

Amazon.co.uk Review
First published in 1969, Bored of the Rings quickly became a cult book for its relentless, slapstick pastiche of The Lord of the Rings. Gollancz's 2001 edition marks the first appearance in Britain and in hardback.
Authors Beard and Kenny carry irreverence cheerfully beyond the borders of good taste. For some, it's a hilarious antidote to uncritical worship of Tolkien. For others, it's outright blasphemy. You choose...

Here's the formula. Take the rough plot of The Lord of the Rings. Give everyone daft names: Bilbo Baggins becomes Dildo B*gger, Sauron is Sorhed, and the hobbits Merry, Pippin and Sam are now the boggies Moxie, Pepsi and Spam. Make them all cowardly, dumb, self-serving and/or insane. Cram Middle Earth with droll American brand names, some now rather dated...

Bored of the Rings lurches drunkenly through Tolkien's narrative, scrawling graffiti on noble citadels and firing off gags with such machine-gun speed that something hits the funny bone on almost every page. A warning: "The halberd has fallen! The fewmets have hit the windmill!" A doom-laden prophecy: "Five-eleven's your height, one-ninety your weight, you cash in your chips around page eighty-eight."

Some pokes at the original are quite shrewd. The tiresomely lyrical Tom Bombadil mutates with hideous plausibility into dope freak Tim Benzedrine: "Toke-a-lid! Smoke-a-lid! Pop the mescalino!" Tortuous arguments about the disposal of the Ring are neatly condensed to: "'Alas,' explained Goodgulf." (Guess who?)

Cheap laughs abound despite occasional misfires. Even the map is chuckleworthy. But as the US paperback jacket warned, those who revere Tolkien "will not touch this gobbler with a ten-foot battle-lance". --David Langford

Sometimes childish, sometimes rude, always clever and always very, very funny this book has delighted most, and outraged a few, Tolkien fans in the US for nearly 30 years. Pulling in references to popular culture and fantasy literature as a whole this is a killingly effective parody of Lord of the Rings. From the dreary Goddamn (Gollum), to the feckless Arrowroot (Aragorn), the bungling Goodgulf (Gandalf) to the timid, meanminded boggies Frito (Frodo) and Dildo (Bilbo) no character is safe. Fleeing the Nozdrul, bored by acid-casualty Tim Benzedrine and harrassed throughout by the minions of Sorhed the fellowship move through a Middle Earth like no other. Short, sharp and very much to the point even Tolkien would be hard-pressed to surpress a giggle at Bored of the Rings.

The Therion
4th February 2002, 11:04 PM
I hope it turns out to be good as a guy a friend of mine knows,said it wasnt ....

4th February 2002, 11:14 PM
Originally posted by The Therion
I hope it turns out to be good as a guy a friend of mine knows,said it wasnt ....

it is years since I read it, my recollection is that is starts off very funny, but then struggles....

looking forward to reading again.


5th February 2002, 05:10 AM
how long did it take you to type that up?

5th February 2002, 10:03 AM
Just got my "Bored of the Rings" killing myself laughing at every other line in the "Prologue - COncerning Boggits"

They have long, clever fingers of the sort one normally associates with hand that spend a good deal of time around the necks of small, furry animals and in other peoples pockets...


The Therion
6th February 2002, 12:35 PM
lol tripodal you mean this ? ---> "I hope it turns out to be good as a guy a friend of mine knows,said it wasnt ...."

26th March 2010, 10:31 AM
The Fellowship of the Ring is the first novel of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Tolkien began this trilogy well after the "world" of Middle Earth had been created. Several of the characters presented in this novel were first presented in The Hobbit. The Silmarillion, Tolkien's major mythological…

This story is set in the world of Tolkien's invention, known as Middle Earth. A specter of evil is looming over Middle Earth as the Dark Lord, Sauron (http://www.team-ninja.com/vbulletin/character.html?character=2555), seeks to consolidate his already immense power, by reclaiming the One Ring that he has lost. Most of his power is held in this ring. With this power, he can enslave Middle Earth and unleash an incredible evil with little opposition.

26th March 2010, 08:49 PM
Hi David,

Perhaps you didn't notice the last posting date (6th February 2002, 05:35 AM), or you figured with the Military Rings crap in your sig, no one would notice you spamming.
Either way, hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Take care..........