speculative
26th December 2002, 05:16 PM
> 1. Never raise your hands to your kids.
> It leaves your groin unprotected.
>
> 2. I'm not into working out.
> My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
>
> 3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
>
> 4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why
> Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
>
> 5. Do you think illiterate people
> get the full affect of alphabet soup?
>
> 6. I've always wanted to be somebody,
> but I should have been more specific.
>
> 7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you,
> but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
>
> 8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone
> going faster than you is a maniac?
>
> 9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day
> when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is.
>
> 10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every
> other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the
> locks, they are always locking three of them.
>
> 11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental
> illness. Think of two of your best friends.
> If they are OK, then it must be you.
>
> 12. They show you how detergent takes out bloodstains. I think if you've
got
> a tee shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your
> laundry isn't your biggest problem.
>
> 13. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you
> it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful,
> but I only have photographs of her on the walls.
>
> 14. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and
> said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said, "I
didn't
> know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."
>
> 15. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library,
> the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton
> Adult Bookstore.
----------------------------
Oh yeah, slow days @ work rock. :D
-spec
> It leaves your groin unprotected.
>
> 2. I'm not into working out.
> My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
>
> 3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
>
> 4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why
> Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
>
> 5. Do you think illiterate people
> get the full affect of alphabet soup?
>
> 6. I've always wanted to be somebody,
> but I should have been more specific.
>
> 7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you,
> but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
>
> 8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone
> going faster than you is a maniac?
>
> 9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day
> when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is.
>
> 10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every
> other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the
> locks, they are always locking three of them.
>
> 11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental
> illness. Think of two of your best friends.
> If they are OK, then it must be you.
>
> 12. They show you how detergent takes out bloodstains. I think if you've
got
> a tee shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your
> laundry isn't your biggest problem.
>
> 13. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you
> it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful,
> but I only have photographs of her on the walls.
>
> 14. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and
> said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said, "I
didn't
> know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."
>
> 15. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library,
> the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton
> Adult Bookstore.
----------------------------
Oh yeah, slow days @ work rock. :D
-spec