If Santa answered his mail honestly...

[Gservo]

> > >
> > > Dear Santa
> > > I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all
> > > yeer yer Frend,
> > > BiLLy
> > >
> > > Dear Billy,
> > > Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How
> > > about I send you a book so you can learn to read and write? I'm
> > > giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can
> > > spell! Santa
> > >
> > >
> > >
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> > >
> > > Dear Santa,
> > > I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
> > > peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love,
> > > Sarah
> > >
> > > Dear Sarah,
> > > Your parents sm*ked p*t when they had you, didn't they? Santa
> > >
> > >
> > >
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> > >
> > > Dear Santa,
> > > I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for
> > > my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can
> > > do? Love
> > > Teddy
> > >
> > > Dear Teddy,
> > > Look, your dad's b*nging the babysitter like a screen door in a
> > > hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
> > > frigid mom, who rides his a$$ constantly? It's time to give up that
> > > dream.
> > >
> > > Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
> > > Santa
> > >
> > >
> > >
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> > >
> > > Dear Santa,
> > > I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog,
> > > a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love,
> > > Francis
> > >
> > > Dear Francis,
> > > Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay! I'll
> > > set you up with a Barbie. Santa
> > >
> > >
> > >
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> > >
> > > Dear Santa,
> > > I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left
> > > carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love,
> > > Susan
> > >
> > > Dear Susan,
> > > Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face
> > > when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a
> > > bottle of scotch. Santa
> > >
> > >
> > >
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> > >
> > > Dear Santa,
> > > What do you do the other 364 days of the year?
> > > Are you busy making toys?
> > > Your friend,
> > > Thomas
> > >
> > > Dear Thomas,
> > > All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I
> > > spend most of my time making low-budget p*rn* films. I unwind by
> > > drinking myself silly and squeezing the a$$e$ of cocktail
> > > waitresses
> > while
> > > losing money at the craps table.
> > > Hey, you wanted to know.
> > > Santa
> > >
> > >
> > >
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> > >
> > > Dear Santa,
> > > Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
> > > awake, like in the song? Love,
> > > Jessica
> > >
> > > Dear Jessica,
> > > Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm
> > > skipping your house. Santa