Gservo
23rd December 2002, 03:30 PM
Title: The Incredible Hulk
Issue: Vol. 1, No. 378
Date: February, 1991
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Cover Artist(s): Bill Jaaska (signed)
No, that’s not a gorilla on the cover of this comic! It’s just the Incredible Hulk in his gray phase, locked in a mega-brawl at the mega-mall against a not-so-jolly Saint Nick! In fact, their battle is apparently raucous enough to shatter the Hulk’s logo! And speaking of cover-copy…
“Because you demanded it…the most requested villain of ALL!” So read the blurbs on the cover of this comic, ones that lead us to assume that Santa Claus is now working for the bad guys! But wait a second…that crow bar he’s wielding? Maybe the bad guy in this story might be a disguised Wrecker from the pages of THE MIGHTY THOR! But unfortunately, the actual title of the story this cover illustrates telegraphs whatever surprise lay in store for the unsuspecting reader. All the same, the splash page of this story offers the following explanation while simultaneously blowing the villain’s cover:
NOTE TO OUR READERS:
All during the tenure of the gray Hulk, readers asked for the return of a certain villain. We never delivered. Now, in this holiday season, we take the opportunity to rectify that, and also to explain why Rick Jones was limping last issue. All this in the feel good story of 1990, entitled:
“Rhino Plastered”, this issue’s 22-page story, was written by Peter David, drawn by Bill Jaaska and inked by Jeff Albrecht. It begins in Las Vegas, as the Hulk’s pal Rick Jones makes a holiday visit to the pediatric ward at the local hospital. When the antsy kids get out of hand, Rick calms ‘em down with a story about “how teasing can make bad stuff go down”, He launches into a Christmas tale about the down-at-his-luck supervillain, the Rhino. Not only is he homeless, he can’t even engage anyone on the street in a conversation before they run away from him.
THE RHINO:
I can’t STAND it anymore! I’m stuck in this stupid costume! In this stupid IDENTITY! I’ve got NO money! NO prospects! NO friends, except for OTHER super-villains…and they never want to talk about football, or broads, or anything except fighting super HEROES! My life is in the SEWER!
The horned bad guy considers pulling a bank job, but when the gray Hulk shows up, the Rhino decides to laying low to avoid once again getting trounced by the incredible one. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, the Rhino makes a snap decision, and swipes a Santa Claus suit from a nearby Salvation Army volunteer. It’s a pretty good disguise; even the Santa-hat completely covers his otherwise quite-noticeable horn! He immediately sets up shop on a street corner, collecting donations for the needy (namely, himself), but he’s drafted into service as the stand-in Santa for a nearby shopping mall. (Their regular Santa injured himself while drunk.) Sitting in a reinforced cinderblock chair, the Rhino unsuccessfully tries to endure a Christmas-crazed throng of youngsters, finally blowing his stack under the pressure of their demands. Meanwhile, Rick Jones, S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Clay Quartermain and Bruce (Hulk) Banner are also in the mall. But when they lose track of time in the disorienting indoor environment, Bruce starts to transform! The scrawny physicist ducks into a nearby bathroom stall and emerges as the gray-skinned Hulk! While all this is happening, the Rhino faces a particularly belligerent kid who manages to unmask him. The Rhino grabs the brat and flings him away, only to be caught by “the spirit of fractures-yet-to-come”, the Hulk! The old foes instantly throw themselves at each other, initiating a battle royale that demolishes one mall store after another. First, they crash through Page After Page Comics, at the time, Las Vegas real-life premiere funnybook emporium, owned and operated by Lyn Pedersen. Next, they lay waste to a shop called Donna Schragis’ Exquisite Cookies (apparently owned by a real Las Vegas couple named Donna and Steven Schragis.) Following that, the battling behemoths crash into a sporting goods store where they hurl bowling balls at each other. Suddenly, they’re confronted by Clay and Rick, but the Rhino unexpectedly grabs the blond S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and threatens to do serious harm to him. Reacting to a tap on his shoulder, the Rhino turns to see the Hulk, now wearing a Santa hat, just before the gray Goliath punches him into next Arbor Day. Recovering his costume, the Rhino turns the tables on the Hulk, using his horn to gore the gamma-spawned good-guy right in the labonza! But before the Rhino can deliver the killing blow, a dewy-eyed little girl named Virginia interrupts the duo. She’s shocked and disappointed to witness “Santa” acting so “naughty”! To mollify her, both the Hulk and the Rhino swear to “be nice” and stop fighting and spend the rest of the day playing Santa and Santa’s helper! As Rick concludes his story to the hospital-bound kids, one of them hauls off and kicks him in the shin for daring th think they were going to believe such a “stupid story”!
RICK JONES:
So THAT’S what happened, kids! Now…what does that story TELL you, huh?
HOSPITAL KID:
It tells us that you’re a big dumb lying DOODY-HEAD!
Speaking of “doody”, this issue of THE INCREDIBLE HULK also includes a “Bullpen Bulletins” page that features an installment of “Stan’s Soapbox” that takes Smilin’ Stan Lee’s notorious hyperbole to new levels, promoting two new Marvel projects -- one of which was never actually published:
“Hi, heroes! Even though Christmas is behind us, big-hearted Marvel still has plenty of goodies in store for you! And here’s where your old faithful Soapbox Santa clues you in to two new titles going on sale right now!
“You’ve seen the ads! You’ve heard he name uttered in whispers! But now it’s time to meet the newest, most exotically exciting superstar in the mighty Marvel firmament – the only super hero based on a real-life, flesh-and-blood human being – dazzling, dangerous, deadly – a smoldering, sizzling stick of human dynamite – the one and only NIGHT CAT!
“Of course, the cat’s manager, Dapper Don Kessler, and I have a somewhat selfish motive for pushing Night Cat’s first issue since sneaky artist Denys Cowan actually drew us in as pat of the story. Yours truly wrote the script, too, which could possibly change the complexion of the comic book industry for all time to come! But don’t let that discourage you – you can always just look at the pictures! But hey, that’s only half the excitement! Our whole blushin’ Bullpen is turned on to Troma Films’ wild and wacky world-famous movie idol, TOXIC AVENGER, the super hero who makes Spider-Man seem like a well-adjusted average guy! In fact, we dig it so much that we made a deal with Loveable Lloyd Kaufman and the Magnanimous Michael Herz, the big-time movie producers who so unselfishly unleashed ol’ Toxie on a defenseless public, a deal to publish his sensationally screwy adventures in our maniacal style!
“Be forewarned! Toxie is not your usual hero! In fact, he’s not your usual anything. But this you can count on – NIGHT CAT and THE TOXIC AVENGER may turn out to be the most unexpected hits of ’91, and, thanks to my legendary generosity, you’re the first to hear of them!
“Now, till next ish, wherever you go, whatever you do, think Marvel! (Instead of cluttering your mind with non-essentials!)
“Excelsior!
“Stan”
ODDBALL Factoid – In his very first appearance (May, 1962), the Hulk was colored gray! It wasn’t until the second issue of THE INCREDIBLE HULK that ol’ Jade-Jaws bore his more familiar hue of green!
http://images.comicbookresources.com/oddball/hulk378.jpg
Issue: Vol. 1, No. 378
Date: February, 1991
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Cover Artist(s): Bill Jaaska (signed)
No, that’s not a gorilla on the cover of this comic! It’s just the Incredible Hulk in his gray phase, locked in a mega-brawl at the mega-mall against a not-so-jolly Saint Nick! In fact, their battle is apparently raucous enough to shatter the Hulk’s logo! And speaking of cover-copy…
“Because you demanded it…the most requested villain of ALL!” So read the blurbs on the cover of this comic, ones that lead us to assume that Santa Claus is now working for the bad guys! But wait a second…that crow bar he’s wielding? Maybe the bad guy in this story might be a disguised Wrecker from the pages of THE MIGHTY THOR! But unfortunately, the actual title of the story this cover illustrates telegraphs whatever surprise lay in store for the unsuspecting reader. All the same, the splash page of this story offers the following explanation while simultaneously blowing the villain’s cover:
NOTE TO OUR READERS:
All during the tenure of the gray Hulk, readers asked for the return of a certain villain. We never delivered. Now, in this holiday season, we take the opportunity to rectify that, and also to explain why Rick Jones was limping last issue. All this in the feel good story of 1990, entitled:
“Rhino Plastered”, this issue’s 22-page story, was written by Peter David, drawn by Bill Jaaska and inked by Jeff Albrecht. It begins in Las Vegas, as the Hulk’s pal Rick Jones makes a holiday visit to the pediatric ward at the local hospital. When the antsy kids get out of hand, Rick calms ‘em down with a story about “how teasing can make bad stuff go down”, He launches into a Christmas tale about the down-at-his-luck supervillain, the Rhino. Not only is he homeless, he can’t even engage anyone on the street in a conversation before they run away from him.
THE RHINO:
I can’t STAND it anymore! I’m stuck in this stupid costume! In this stupid IDENTITY! I’ve got NO money! NO prospects! NO friends, except for OTHER super-villains…and they never want to talk about football, or broads, or anything except fighting super HEROES! My life is in the SEWER!
The horned bad guy considers pulling a bank job, but when the gray Hulk shows up, the Rhino decides to laying low to avoid once again getting trounced by the incredible one. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, the Rhino makes a snap decision, and swipes a Santa Claus suit from a nearby Salvation Army volunteer. It’s a pretty good disguise; even the Santa-hat completely covers his otherwise quite-noticeable horn! He immediately sets up shop on a street corner, collecting donations for the needy (namely, himself), but he’s drafted into service as the stand-in Santa for a nearby shopping mall. (Their regular Santa injured himself while drunk.) Sitting in a reinforced cinderblock chair, the Rhino unsuccessfully tries to endure a Christmas-crazed throng of youngsters, finally blowing his stack under the pressure of their demands. Meanwhile, Rick Jones, S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Clay Quartermain and Bruce (Hulk) Banner are also in the mall. But when they lose track of time in the disorienting indoor environment, Bruce starts to transform! The scrawny physicist ducks into a nearby bathroom stall and emerges as the gray-skinned Hulk! While all this is happening, the Rhino faces a particularly belligerent kid who manages to unmask him. The Rhino grabs the brat and flings him away, only to be caught by “the spirit of fractures-yet-to-come”, the Hulk! The old foes instantly throw themselves at each other, initiating a battle royale that demolishes one mall store after another. First, they crash through Page After Page Comics, at the time, Las Vegas real-life premiere funnybook emporium, owned and operated by Lyn Pedersen. Next, they lay waste to a shop called Donna Schragis’ Exquisite Cookies (apparently owned by a real Las Vegas couple named Donna and Steven Schragis.) Following that, the battling behemoths crash into a sporting goods store where they hurl bowling balls at each other. Suddenly, they’re confronted by Clay and Rick, but the Rhino unexpectedly grabs the blond S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and threatens to do serious harm to him. Reacting to a tap on his shoulder, the Rhino turns to see the Hulk, now wearing a Santa hat, just before the gray Goliath punches him into next Arbor Day. Recovering his costume, the Rhino turns the tables on the Hulk, using his horn to gore the gamma-spawned good-guy right in the labonza! But before the Rhino can deliver the killing blow, a dewy-eyed little girl named Virginia interrupts the duo. She’s shocked and disappointed to witness “Santa” acting so “naughty”! To mollify her, both the Hulk and the Rhino swear to “be nice” and stop fighting and spend the rest of the day playing Santa and Santa’s helper! As Rick concludes his story to the hospital-bound kids, one of them hauls off and kicks him in the shin for daring th think they were going to believe such a “stupid story”!
RICK JONES:
So THAT’S what happened, kids! Now…what does that story TELL you, huh?
HOSPITAL KID:
It tells us that you’re a big dumb lying DOODY-HEAD!
Speaking of “doody”, this issue of THE INCREDIBLE HULK also includes a “Bullpen Bulletins” page that features an installment of “Stan’s Soapbox” that takes Smilin’ Stan Lee’s notorious hyperbole to new levels, promoting two new Marvel projects -- one of which was never actually published:
“Hi, heroes! Even though Christmas is behind us, big-hearted Marvel still has plenty of goodies in store for you! And here’s where your old faithful Soapbox Santa clues you in to two new titles going on sale right now!
“You’ve seen the ads! You’ve heard he name uttered in whispers! But now it’s time to meet the newest, most exotically exciting superstar in the mighty Marvel firmament – the only super hero based on a real-life, flesh-and-blood human being – dazzling, dangerous, deadly – a smoldering, sizzling stick of human dynamite – the one and only NIGHT CAT!
“Of course, the cat’s manager, Dapper Don Kessler, and I have a somewhat selfish motive for pushing Night Cat’s first issue since sneaky artist Denys Cowan actually drew us in as pat of the story. Yours truly wrote the script, too, which could possibly change the complexion of the comic book industry for all time to come! But don’t let that discourage you – you can always just look at the pictures! But hey, that’s only half the excitement! Our whole blushin’ Bullpen is turned on to Troma Films’ wild and wacky world-famous movie idol, TOXIC AVENGER, the super hero who makes Spider-Man seem like a well-adjusted average guy! In fact, we dig it so much that we made a deal with Loveable Lloyd Kaufman and the Magnanimous Michael Herz, the big-time movie producers who so unselfishly unleashed ol’ Toxie on a defenseless public, a deal to publish his sensationally screwy adventures in our maniacal style!
“Be forewarned! Toxie is not your usual hero! In fact, he’s not your usual anything. But this you can count on – NIGHT CAT and THE TOXIC AVENGER may turn out to be the most unexpected hits of ’91, and, thanks to my legendary generosity, you’re the first to hear of them!
“Now, till next ish, wherever you go, whatever you do, think Marvel! (Instead of cluttering your mind with non-essentials!)
“Excelsior!
“Stan”
ODDBALL Factoid – In his very first appearance (May, 1962), the Hulk was colored gray! It wasn’t until the second issue of THE INCREDIBLE HULK that ol’ Jade-Jaws bore his more familiar hue of green!
http://images.comicbookresources.com/oddball/hulk378.jpg